decent to selflessness

i repent from admission of worthlessness.
the bible and my father’s words I received as statements of nothingness.
those sentiments i took to mean
that i am not enough.
I moved away inside
running from those around me.
to keep my strength as a facade to you
too afraid to be exposed
to let others see me as i see myself.

I accepted that i need a savior other than me.
and thereby give away my power to be whole
I took the enticing words that someone cared for me no matter what i am.
rather than embrace the emptiness of loneliness.

And here i am angry that i took the bait, that candy, toy
to satiate my need; connection.
rather than wait alone.
i scream inside for ages at the ones outside who told me lies.
but now i realize my way to redemption is accepting i’m the one to blame.
the doom i brought; myself is all at fault.

i scream inside; torn between letting go and falling back onto the savior.
but i know there’s nothing left for me.
so like an addict with a scarred and broken member i will....
run from youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
crawl aloooooooooooooooooooong
accept my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate
screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin silence

apologize.
i hate that i’m the one to apologize
but all these lies take me on paths
i later realize are wrong.
though only because you say so.